Your Comments ... Click Here

Divorced Six Times & Only 25 Years
By Ignatius Stephen

Bandar Seri Begawan - She was only 25. But she was already married six times and divorced. Her seventh romance has just begun. Perhaps she will marry again soon.

The man had promised this time to love her forever and never leave her.

We were sitting in a cafe talking. I had met her by chance. She was beautiful. Her near perfect figure belied the fact that she had four children: All by different husbands.

She was taking photographs just outside when I first spotted her, My curiosity was aroused. She was perhaps a fellow journalist, I thought.

"Come in and have a coffee," I said. It was hot outside and the morning sun was intense.

She accepted. We discussed many things. She was an architect's assistant. Her job was to take photos of buildings and to prepare for submission to the authorities together with the proposed alterations.

"My last husband who was my sixth left me after nine months. I am now 25 going on 26.1 do not know where he is. He was from Sarawak. He was an offshore oil worker," she explained.

"I was only 17 when I first married. It ended in divorce too. We were too young then. We did not know what we were getting into, I suppose. It was well and truly finished just after a year. It was extremely traumatic at that time" she recalled.

"I have a son by that marriage. He is now eight years old. After the breakup I never thought of getting another husband.

"But life is full of surprises and love is so unexpected.

"I met my second husband a year later. He said he was a businessman. He seemed to have a lot of money. He bought me chocolates and roses. And he phoned me every day.

"I was reluctant to succumb to his advances at first. I did not want to experience the pain of heartbreak yet again.

But he was persistent. And he was generous and appeared to be kind and considerate. At last I fell for him. We got married. It was my second but troubles began soon after.

"I soon found everything was an illusion. He did not, in fact, have much money. He was in the habit borrowing cash from anyone he could find.

"My life became unbearable with creditors knocking at my door day and night. There was nothing for food or for daily necessities. I contributed whatever I could from my small salary. But that was not enough. Gone apparently forever was the nice guy image. He became rude and abusive. He got even worse after my daughter was born.

"Then out of the blue he came one day and said he wanted a divorce. I did not object. Life was a living hell. It was not easy, but I said yes after consulting my parents."

She and her two young children moved into her parent's home in Jalan Muara soon after that. She continued to work hard in order to feed her children and for a time she was happy. She felt free.

By this time she was spending a lot of time in the office. There was plenty to do. She had a male colleague who was always cooperative and helpful with her work and soon love blossomed. Long hours together, in the office after everyone had gone, had obviously done it this time.

That was perhaps the happiest time of her life when she married her third husband.

But how was she to know that he eventually would turn out to be intensively jealous?

He would watch her every move. And then unexpectedly he would turn violent. He would beat her up for no apparent reason. He frequently accused her of having affairs with other men even though there was not an ounce of truth.

The end was obvious: Another divorce.

She had other husbands after that and more children. But in the end divorces for the men had been an easy way out of their obligations.

But she is not alone in this. There are many young women in the country facing similar situation in the country. Some thing has gone obviously wrong with our social set up.

Yes, what has gone wrong with our current society?

It is a question that surely deservers further thought. And urgently so. Because the children of these unstable marriages are going to be a problem soon. Serious crimes and other undesirable aspects could soon become apparent if matters are left unattended.

Some abandoned women and their children could take refuge-with their parents or with close relatives. But many may not be so fortunate, especially so if they are not so schooled and are unable to fend for themselves.

In the current scheme of things the torturous process of getting maintenance and upkeep is not just worth the expense and the trouble.

At this rate we will soon have children begging in the streets or foraging in the rubbish dump. A time bomb is awaiting explosion.

If we are not careful, devastative social ills will be on the rise. And that is one headache we can do without.

Your Comments ... Click Here
View Old Talks ...  Click Here