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Confessions Of Man Scorned
By Ignatius Stephen

Bandar Seri Begawan - No, not at all. She didn't love him any more. That was a plain, mind-shattering fact. It was like a thunderbolt from the blue.

And now she will not marry him anymore. She told him that as gently as possible. And her soft voice was like a thousand arrows piercing his heart. It would have been more bearable if she had shouted at him. No,-but she kept her voice low, almost in an inaudible whisper.

He did not know why she changed her mind. Was it because she was high class and he of common stock? Up till now he had no knowledge why she refused him all of a sudden after all the trouble of going though the engagement ceremony and all.

What will he tell his relatives and friends? He was so proud of her. And now he has to carry the shame of it all. He loved her. His heart was breaking.

Or was it because he had offended her in some way or other? But she assured him that it was nothing like that. She just could not marry him even though she knew that he loved her deeply. She was going back on her promise. What could he do?

"She just didn't say anything other than that she had changed her mind and then left the room abruptly," he said. He had pleaded with her. He had knelt and begged but to no avail.

The young man who sat in front of me that morning in the cafe had not, surely, slept for nights. His eyes were bloodshot, his clothes crumbled and his face haggard.

He looked at me intently. It appeared that he wanted to tell me something. But he hesitated and could not gather enough courage.

I tried to encourage him.

"What happened after you left her house in Jerudong that night?" I asked trying to prod him on.

If he had something on his chest it was best to get it off, I told him.

The man was visibly shaken. I encouraged him to cough it out.

He looked at me a good minute taking full measure. I said nothing.

Then he began to speak again. "When I eventually staggered out of her house thinking how unfair, how bleak everything was and with my mind in terrible confusion, I finally managed to climb- into my car and head along the highway towards Muara.

"I was getting increasingly flustered. I was simply going out of my mind. I was angry with the unfairness of the situation. It was humiliating. I was in a fitful state- and getting angry by the minute.

"The road was deserted and I felt like crashing my car so as to end my sufferings.

"But suddenly there was this car in front. The driver seemed not sure whether to take the Gadong bypass or go on straight.

"Normally I am cool and considerate but perhaps because of my heightened state of mind which saw me, as it were, flying off the handle and losing control of my emotions.

`An indescribable sense of anger seemed to well up in me. I thought that I would teach the little brats a good lesson.

"To my great surprise an unexplained force seemed to take over me. I then began to act totally out of character. Imagine me behaving like that. I cannot explain how it happened," he stopped speaking and looked at me intently expecting to be condemned.

Of course, I was surprised and pained. But I simply said, "Oh, it was you who caused the accident that nearly cost the lives of those poor kids?"

"Yes, I was coward enough to leave them there after tailgating them and making a thorough nuisance of myself causing their car go out of control," he shame-facedly confessed.

I looked at him. He was now a pitiful figure.- "Yes, I took my frustration out on those poor kids. I do not know how I could do this. After all, I am a highly educated and amild mannered man. What came over me, I wonder that night," he blurted out. He seemed to be well and truly sorry and wholly disgusted with himself.

But I had a question for him. "But why do you come to me with this story? You should tell the police."

He replied with bowed head, "I am still a coward. I came to you after reading about it in your column last week. I felt I had to tell someone. And I now fully regret.

"I am leaving for London tomorrow. I have to think everything over. I need a change of air," he added.

With that he left as I pondered over many things.

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