Lighter Side - Joke Box

The Joke Box
By Prank Jester

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A laugh a day keeps the doctor away, they say. So here are a couple that should bring out a chuckle or two for the day. Have fun.

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for

horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.

To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: 'PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS'

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: 'PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT' The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: 'BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS'

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: 'NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN' The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day

the headline read:
'NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00'

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: 'NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE'

The Bishop was buried the next day.

(Joke submitted by and eminent local journalist)

"Dear," Mr James called out to his wife, "What does RSVP mean on our daughter’s wedding card?"

"Same thing it meant on our wedding card, stupid!" replied Mrs James. "It means Remember, Send, Valuable Presents."

- Alice Gun, BSB

Mr Andrew asked his new girlfriend, "Do you drink?"

"No," came the reply.
"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"Gamble?"
"No."
"Sleep around?"
‘No, definitely not!"
"Isn’t there anything naughty you do?"
"Oh, I lie a lot."

- Jason Tan, KB

There's this guy called Mr. Ali who wants to sell his cow......but the problem that he's facing is that his cow is too thin....and there's no fat or enough meat to be sold.... His other problem is that the grasses are all dead and the cow is not stupid to eat them...Mr.Ali was thinking how to make his cow fat and how to make him eat the dead grass. Then one day he got an idea where he went to a reatil shop and bought a green glasses. He put the glasses at the cow's face and then the cow started seeing the grass..... later the cow ate all the dead grasses and now Mr.Ali could sell his burden cow..... Jamie Redknapp

Restaurant jokes can sometimes be really funny. Here are some:

A distressed customer: "Waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?"

The waiter studies the frantic fly for a moment and replies calmly, " It is doing the backstroke, I think, Sir."

"Waiter, there is a worm on my plate!"

"That is not a worm, sir. That is your sausage."

The customer called the waiter back and said, "Call the manager. I won’t eat such a badly cooked chicken."

"It would not help to call that, Sir," the waiter shrugged. "He won’t eat the chicken either."

All of us remember our school days. And we tend to say nostalgically, "Well, those were the days." We remember the good times and forget the bad boring days. So here are some lighter moments I would like to share with you of the time so long ago. So here we go:

Little Fatimah returned from her first day at school. "Well, Timah," asked her mother, "what did they teach you?"

"Not much," replied the child, "I’ve got to go again tomorrow."

"Where are you from?" the teacher asked young Abdul Rahman.
"Bandar Seri Begawan, sir," Abdul Rahman replied.
"Which part?" the teacher asked.
"All of me, sir," came the reply.

"Sir, would you scold me for something I didn’t do?" asked Ah Chong.
"No, of course not, Ah Chong," assured the teacher.
"Good, because I didn’t do my homework."

Robert’s mother was angry at her son for still being in bed.

"Wake up, Robert," she said, shaking him. "It’s time for you to go to school!"

"But I don’t want to go to school! All the teachers are horrible and the kids too and nobody likes me and I hate it!" whined Robert.

But his mother was adamant. "I’m telling you Robert, you have to go. You’re forty-nine years old and the school principal, you have to go!"